Tuesday, February 9, 2016


It's been about a year since I last saw you and my heart still hasn't healed. I thought it wouldn't take this long... I've barely thought of you, seen pictures of you or even talked about you. I thought I had forgotten you, but I haven't.

It's the middle of the night and I can barely keep my eyes open, but whenever I close them I see you and as long as I keep them open I see the loneliness. If only hot tea could burn away the mark you left in my heart.
I'm not feeling great. I have no directions, no ambitions, nowhere to go. I thought I knew, but I didn't. I guess that's fine, I'll figure it out somehow, I always do. People know. I've even talked about it with some people. Not you, though. You have no clue. You're probably living carefree right now, because that's how you go through life. I'm jealous of that, it also makes me happy for you. I hope you get to where you want to get.
I want to tell you, but I'm keeping myself from reopening a wound. A wound that bares your name. It's a beautiful name. Did you know its origins lay in Welsh? It means noise of arms. Well, you've left quit some noise in my tiny heart.

Do you think we'll ever meet again? Will you look at me the way you used to?
I wonder if it was a joke to you, if I was just some game you played. 'Cause if so, you played me good. I didn't see it coming. It all felt so real
I miss the way you called me. I miss your muscled arms, your angular face. I miss the future plans you had, the ones where it was so obvious that I was there. Do you? That's what I wonder about most. You. Did it hurt when we drifted apart or were you too busy with your life? Did you miss talking to me at the end of the day or was I easily replaced?
Maybe I need an answer to those questions before I can fully heal. I don't really know what I need. I just want the feeling of your protecting arms.