The Idea of Love and the Insanity of It

You're always there.
Maybe not physically, but you're there in my mind. With everything I do and everything I say. You drive me insane! I can never focus.
And where am I? Do you think of me?

I want to scream, is this what love is? Or is it just the idea of it? I'm scared that everything I worked so hard for will slip out of my hands and for what? Some stupid picture of a happy ending? It could never work.
I want you out. Out of my head!
I have dreams to chase and wishes to make come true.
I don't want your touch burning on my skin.
I can't fight it. I'm so tired. I'm so confused.

Turkish Proverb

Luggage

We unpack our emotional luggage.

Tell our friends and family about all our struggles.

Then we repack and keep carrying all our shit.

Talk. Let go.

Better Life Pledge

Better Life Pledge

I here by pledge to wake up 15 minutes earlier and do yoga outside, to take the time to make and eat a healty breakfast, to snack responsible. I pledge to give my mind more rest and my body more sleep, set every day goals that are within reach. To take better care of my body and love it the way it is. I pledge to work hard, to turn off my laptop, phone and other disctractions for an hour a day and meditate or have time for myself. I pledge to go out more, hang out with friends, to be more positive and love life. I pledge to go running at least once a day and do a small workout. I pledge to make memories that are just for me and close friends and to always keep those memories close to my heart. I pledge to be more patient and more loving towards others, to judge as less as possible, but first get to know the other person. I pledge to plant a tree, take good care of it and give the earth some CO2.

I pledge to live a better life and take better care of myself and my surroundings. 

Scars

When the people we love leave us and we are forced to say goodbye, they can leave a hole in our hearts. A hole that might never be filled up and we stay behind scared and scarred. Scared of being alone, of the pain we feel inside, and scarred because of what we lost. But someone once said: "A broken heart lets the sunlight in thorugh the cracks." No matter how much pain we are in, it will always get better. Because this life wasn't meant to be lived in pain. It was meant to be lived in the light and the warmth of the sun. In happiness. In love. If we take our time to heal our hearts, something beautiful will grow through the cracks. The scars may never leave, but they don't have to. They can be a reminder of the things we went through and of the things we got back for those hard times. Hard times come to teach us lessons. Lessons pay off.

Quote

I get kind of dark
Let it go to far
I can be obnoxious at times
But try and see my heart
'Cause I need you now
So don't let me down
You're the only thing in the world
I would die without

-Better Than I Know Myself; Adam Lambert

Our Purpose and Feeling Whole

Sometimes I wonder what we all do it for? The things we like, the obligations we make for ourselves. Why? What for? What is our purpose in this life, in this world? I believe we are all here for a task. A task set apart for only you or me. Something for the greater good. Whether we want to see it or we are unable to see it. There is something more to our lives and to this world! Most of our time on this earth we will spent trying to figure out what it is we need to do. And when we find it will it fill us up? Will we find the peace we have long been looking for? Because all we want is to feel whole inside, feel like we are needed and have a goal, a purpose. Is this what we were destined to find?

Quote

When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace, where I am yours and you are mine.

-Oceans; Hillsong United

Choices We Make

We all go through changes. Put what we knew all this time behind us and look for new versions of ourselves. Choices we make can be hard. Especially when we have to leave places or people we love behind. But the choices we make bring new adventures, new people and new places to love. If we don't try new things we might never know what we are missing out on. But we can also choose to run from the mess we created and the things we cannot handle.

If we keep running from the fight we'll never get into our position, our place in this world. What if the fight we are avoiding, is the fight that will get us to our goal? And we let that goal slip away because we are scared of the fight. Time to let that fear go, because we're all here with a purpose. A place, a job to fill. To get done. And even though we want to, we can never run from our problems. They will haunt us, follow us. Regretting how we ran away from it instead of facing this problem. We can never move forward if we don't let the past go. And we can never let the past go if it has unfinished business.

But with a new day, come new chances to make good choices.

Reflection and New Choices

I love the time when winter comes to an end and the sun fights so hard to beat the cold. It has to be the best time of the year! Flowers start to grow and trees start growing new leaves. A perfect time for new choices and options. Time to reflect back on the past winter and starting over with a clean, white sheet.

Six Steps to Remember

#1. Let go of fear.
      He has no rights.
#2. Clean out your closet & buy clothes you like.
      Wearing the clothes you love will make you feel more comfortable.
#3. Focus on your goals.
      Work hard & concentrate on your work.
#4. Break old & bad habits.
      They are useless & keep you from reaching your goals.
#5. Have little projects.
      Making or doing stuff you like will make you feel happier & you will feel like you aren't wasting so much
      time doing nothing.
#6. DREAM BIG!!

Our Fear of Love, the Control on Life and Letting Go of These Both

What if the things we love are the things we fear most? This would mean we would almost not be able to love. Then what is left of loves fantasy? Luckily some people really are fearless. Or love is just not as fearing as we all think. Because all we look at in life is winning and losing. And who wants to see himself lose? Maybe that is why love hurts so much. We push away the people we love, so we won't get hurt, or lose, as people may see it! Maybe life and love would not be so hard is we would just take it as it comes. Let things happen and let our hearts get broken. Instead of trying to control every moment, making it all more painful for ourselves. Life is something we have to learn to accept. It will never go as we want it or planned it to go. We have to learn to let go and simply accepting hurt. It is our way of living. And we have only two options. Take it as it comes, letting the pain be and accept it. Or try  to control the pain, making it only more painful for ourselves. Maybe this is why sometimes it all seems unbearable. Because we try to let go but we still hold on. We need the feeling of being in control and even though we realize we cannot always be in control, we still try to hold on. After awhile we all explode. And we will start again. Trying to control and let it all go. But we cannot have both. And what if the path to happiness is by letting go of that control? We would all be missing out. Are we then not strong enough to face our fear of letting go? Are we simply not build for that or are we not able to see it? The way of letting go. Is this why we try to let go in other ways, find things in hope they make us happy? But it leaves us empty and the same. What is this secret of life? What is this hold on control? What are we willing to lose for the greater happiness? What are we willing to fight for? While not being afraid of losing, because then we will fight!